Danielle, me and Caleb – 1996ish
Just a few days before Caleb’s accident

I want to make it better.

I want to walk in the door with Caleb on my arm. I want to bring him back to his mom and dad right now.

This life can be so hard.

There is no coming back for Caleb.

He is not here. And I sense his absence in the quiet.  It’s not a normal quiet. Not an empty nest quiet. It’s a robbed nest quiet. It feels unnatural and wrong.

I love my brother and I love his wife. I love my nephew, Luke and beautiful Danielle.

And I love Caleb.

I miss him.

This house, here in Austin, is filled with quiet and courage. The quiet of Caleb’s absence and the courage of a family who valiantly lives forward without him.  They are so beautiful to me, even in sorrow. I love and admire and respect them. They hold tight to Jesus and walk this road the best they can.

But I still wish I could make it better.

Lord, I wish I could make it better.

That’s all I have to say about that.

9 Responses

  1. My heart aches with yours. Having had the privilege of hearing your story, I had a greater point of reference. There are no words big enough to respond. I’m just sorry. I will be praying for you and your family as you bravely walk this lonely road.

  2. So many things we may finally get to make sense of one day in heaven. Here? We just can’t. I pray for comfort for the hurting. God be near to your family during these days, in ways that bring renewed hope and strength to carry on forward in Thy ways.

  3. I’m feeling the tears down my cheeks too, sweet sis. And a heart that yearns to see their faces once again…that sweet nephew and that most special dad. He was all ‘dad’ to me, as you know…must always remember…will never forget.

  4. One Day at a Time, Sweet Jesus . . .
    I pray for strength and peace for your precious extended family, your lives are a testimony.

  5. From Sydney Australia, I pray for Pastor Rob and Laura Koke and Luke and Danielle for God’s continued comfort, peace and strength in moving forward in Christ with the assurance that Caleb is in the precious arms of Lord Jesus. I understand your pain to some extent as I too lost my only Brother Dr Mano in Oct 2008. To watch my 81yr old Dad bury his only son was beyond pain. I reach out to you and ask God for the Holy Spirit to continue to comfort and empower you all to Finish Your Course with Excellence, Do not give up. God is on your side. You are much loved and deeply appreciated.

    Pastor Rob & Laura Koke, you both did an excellent job at the Hillsong Church ‘Relationship Seminar’. You are champions for Lord Jesus.

    Miss Chandra Benjamin
    Sydney, Australia

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